Raw & Real: One of the best decisions I ever made some years ago now, was to choose to begin to believe the kind things people said about me. I was sitting at my desk, back when I still didn’t have a lot of cognitive functions, and I realised I continuously believed the worst about myself.
In some ways it was like a reactive habit. The belief went like this: “If I believe the worst about myself and I act like the worst is true, then I can take actions to make sure I never upset anyone and/or other people never find out the worst about me.” Sound nuts? This is the reality of being raised in generations of Complex Trauma. Until we know better, understand healthier ways, can see what’s happening for us internally, we can’t change the recording.
My literal thoughts at that time were “well believing I’m a bad person hasn’t worked for me so far, so I’ll try listening to what others say about me.” Then I began correcting the negative, unkind thoughts I had about myself. It was a super slow journey, and even now I have to keep a close guard because being online there are people ready to assume the worst about me. And that’s okay too. I’m never going to be everyone’s cup of tea. Getting to the stage where I’m never going to be everyone’s cup of tea and being more than okay with it is pure liberation. I highly recommend it.
For me, I can now stand up to bully’s, there’s plenty online. I can now voice my truth and be okay with your truth being something completely different. Complex Trauma certainly gave me the ability to accept others no matter what because I spent so long not being accepted or recognised for who I am in my family of origin. The irony being they can’t see this at all due to nonverbal family rules.
I want to encourage you to be kind, spread it around like wildfire, listen to the thank you’s, take on board the compliments and listen to your thoughts and feelings so you can consciously choose the direction they’re going towards. Healing becomes possible only through taking intentional steps, it never happens just by accident. You are loved and you are needed here. Let’s do this life together.