Did you know there are different levels to being validated? Me either! I went researching and discovered how we can work it in with our different layers of healthy friendships and trust too!
You can find all the infographics in the free Complex Ptsd Library.
Feel welcome to take the infographics to your Certified Trauma Recovery Coach or Therapist and work through what they mean for you. Take a look at how you can implement different layers of validation into your daily. Think about what would they look like and do you need to work with some codependence?
Too often we go to validating someone from our internal self, our own safe space, then wonder why we’re not safe. We truly do need to flesh these things out and work through what each level looks like in our individual life.
If we don’t examine the concepts of different layers of trust, different layers of friendships, different layers of validation and consciously choose which layer a new person arriving in our life represents, we can repeat our behaviours . Often times our repeated behaviour includes trusting people until they show us they can’t be trusted. A healthier relationship dynamic is to trust only when people have proved they can be trusted.
To Trust or Not to Trust
I went on an adventure to find questions we could ask in advance of deciding to trust someone. On the internet there are lots of questions for your partner, for your workplace, and I came across this one to ask in advance of trusting someone.
Because that really is the key to deciding a relationship is safe. We want to determine before we trust someone whether or not we can. The following questions will help you determine someone’s trust quotient.
8 Questions to Ask About Whether to Trust
- Is this person reliable? Consider your past encounters and how well the person has fulfilled commitments.
- Is this person competent? Measure the demonstrated capabilities this person has about the subject matter.
- Is this person predictable? Make educated guesses based on past experiences how the person will act.
- Is this person consistent? Determine how steady the person has behaved or whether the behaviour has been erratic.
- Does the person communicate clearly? Decide how well informed you are based on what has been shared with you.
- How well do you know the person? Decide the depth and breadth of your knowledge about this person.
- What is your power in relation to this person? Identify the amount of leverage you have as with more power, more leverage.
- Does this person “have your back?” Determine how much this person will be on your side to support you when there are challenges along the way.
With thanks to Inc.com for the great list to ask in advance of trusting another person.