Raw & Real: I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve had no idea which way to turn to take my one next step throughout my recovery journey. Then there’s the other side of the coin where I’m moving forward in recovery and BAM! CRASH! I unknowingly spiral downwards and can’t get out of bed for some unknown reason. Frustrating much? Yes!
The fear, the sense of terror, the anxiety riddling my body just never made sense as an adult.
I’d ask myself repeatedly why couldn’t I manage “normal” adult responsibilities? Why couldn’t I get into a routine and keep it? Why did other people scare the living daylights out of me on one hand but on the other hand we could be instant friends? Quite frankly none of it made any logical sense at all.
One of the most triggering questions in the world is the innocently well intentioned “Why don’t you just…?” question-suggestion-judgment. It feels like an attack when it is actually meant as a suggestion. Inevitably, it’s asked by someone who does not understand the struggle I am feeling, the tempest inside, or the helplessness that is just bubbling under the surface.
You know what this says to me, get out of my way; I am breaking free.
I think I have reached a point where I finally realise that I am not a robot and there are these things called emotions, that everything is not black and white, I can define the relationship I have with anyone, there is this thing called shame that holds me back and down and chokes the life out of me.
In our Facebook Peer Support Group, I see a lot of us asking “Should I…?” questions of each other. This is actually one of the reasons why being in a peer group is so great. We are talking with people who ‘get’ what we are going through and collectively have tried a lot of different things.
It’s that time of year, the holidays are coming up and you may find yourself feeling miserable and wondering why? I think it’s because in many of our minds, this is what’s playing in a loop: You should be happy. You should be grateful. You should be thankful.
Should be. For many of us, the holidays are a beautiful time of year. A time of rest, connection with loved ones, and celebration. But let’s be real: that doesn’t mean it’s all mistletoe and cheer.