I came across this post recently by an author named Ngina Otiende who is a marriage coach. I want to include it in this blog for women who are struggling to define whether or not they are having normal marriage problems or toxic marriage problems. Ngina also writes from a christian perspective, and I believe it’s still valid for many because spirituality has and is used widely to by many even if they are not practicing Christians. It pervades the very foundation of our society in ways that when we get married our husbands have an unspoken expectation prior to marriage that once we’re married we will become all he needs.
I personally experienced this and was shocked when after marriage a guy who participated in the house cleaning, cooking etc. literally said to me it was all my job now. For a deeper explanation of this we cover it during Core Unit 3 of the Complex Trauma Certification. What is happening for men internally is also derailing their life.
Here’s the article and please feel welcome to do the exercise it contains to help clarify what is happening for you.





























































































































































- When you think about any growth and change, is there a sense of responsibility by the problematic spouse?
- Do they own up without blame, deflection, or minimizing?
- Are boundaries honored?
- Is there genuine repentance?
- Are we seeing real change, real growth or is it a crazy ride, up one day and down the next?
- Is your spouse committed to change, and even more important, is there consistent fruit?
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