As a child, I was always standing just on the outside of the circle that gave me a unique view of just how cruel (and awe-filled) life can be and I witnessed this dichotomy with great wonder.
The meanness of my friends left me uncomfortable — it was like new shoes that are too tight, but you have to wear them to break them in — and yet those same souls could turn in an instant, pick a milkweed flower and give it to me as an offering of peace without an explanation. There were no words, life went on.
I wrestled with these kinds of good and evil (in my mind) for much of my life but never spoke clearly about them. I felt isolated in my query as it seemed that the world was so full of itself that it certainly didn’t have time to explain to the curious heart, so I turned to nature. It was/is my salvation, my hug, and one that would console my curiosity with kindness.
Alone, I found solace in special spots where I could cry out loud or be joyous for no reason and no one would hear me. Alone, I found peace in the trees, or on a rock that seemed to have a seat carved perfectly for my form. Alone, I found comfort in the wind as it kissed my cheek. Alone, I found that the birds would stop momentarily and answer my deepest thoughts even as they were flitting around scattered and frenzied. Alone, I would walk, sometimes for hours, and the motion of my gait soothed my moods. Alone, I can write it out, ride it out, come to meet my dark side, shake my hand, and then be warmed by the light of acceptance. Alone, I became my best friend.
This is a friend I could rely on, the one who knows me best. The one who can tear down the walls and build them up again. Alone is the keeper of my key that holds the cipher to my heart. I learned to twist the view to quench the thirst for company and appreciate a slightly tilted persona alone, not lonely.
Thoughts in my head are always swirling, but I am good with this — I have learned to love totality. I do not always agree with the ways of the world, but who am I to judge? I am no one, I am everyone, I am in you — can you see me?
Life is still a huge mystery — with the vast amount of unknowns it hits the very core of the void, a void that we can never fill. This emptiness has been root cause for many things. It has led the way to discovery and driven some to their demise. It has opened the portals to creativity, and stifled the most brilliant minds, and yet, it is the most common connection we have.
Celebrate your aloneness. Stand in the crowd and relish the energy or go to a place where you are enraptured by your own essence. What you are feeling is universal. The hum of life (when you tune in) is what moves us in solitary unison. Feel it largely, fully, and deeply.
Once this is understood, you cannot help but love being alone, and loneliness will not cross your path ever again.
Humans have needs. There’s a hierarchy of them.
👉 Stress and overwhelm result from unmet needs or pain (unmet need to be free from pain). Or as Buddhism might put it: attachment to desire (expectation versus reality).
👉 Trauma results from chronic stress and lack of agency.
👉 Complex trauma results from trauma or neglect as a child and your nervous system experiences emotional flashbacks. (Then your Inner 7-year hijacks your brain!)
Recently, I came across a number of infographics with lots of different ideas, coping strategies and calming strategies and thought it’d be great to put them in one place for a handy reference.
Choose one or two before you get stressed, practice them when you aren’t stressed and you’ll begin retraining your brain. Don’t try and do them when you’re overly stressed as with complex ptsd you may well trigger the brain further by introducing something new. Consistency is key.
I AM A LONER WITH THOUSANDS OF FRIENDS. I have always felt alone, but not lonely. This feeling began when I was very young, and it was hard to be with. I didn’t have the tools, the knowledge, or the understanding to articulate the emptiness, so began the titled vision of my aloneness.
Complex Trauma Certified Recovery Coach
You’re ready for things to feel easy—and good.
I understand. I hear you. I see you. Your Trauma is valid. The impact from past abuse and neglect is alive inside of you today, here, now. I see your struggle to maintain your external sense of togetherness as your internal world wants to crumble. I’ve lived it and I lost it all, twice.
I hear you questioning why can’t I just adult? Why can’t the past just be over and done with? Why can’t I get a good nights sleep? How can I stop this anxiety when it’s “not me?” When will this depression lift? Why do my relationships always end? How can I break this cycle for my children?
Are you ready for the good news? Are you ready to take action? Complex Trauma Recovery is possible, even when you need an individual road map.