One morning recently, as I stood up to get out of bed, I was dizzy and managed to stop myself from falling over, just. As I quickly brought myself into conscious awareness I realised I’d been holding my breath during my sleep and I’d had a nightmare. As I took another couple of steps, bringing myself upright, I did a body scan to determine what emotions were being driven by the nightmare. Reaching my full stride an overwhelming sense of terror at being abandoned fill me, then moved out of me. It was like the moment you emerge from a shower, one moment you’re under a gorgeous, soothing flow of water and the next you’re not.
That’s how this energy released felt. One moment internally I’m acknowledging a felt sense of terror at losing everything, the next I’m stepping into a space where that no longer exists. There was also an awareness this was only half of what needed to be released. Due to me being able to recover from this nightmare and processing of the intergenerational trauma I knew things were going to change for me.
The second thing that happened was I became aware of a number of new symptoms I’d never identified as being in my life or a problem for me throughout the many years of my life. This was Complex Ptsd healing raw and real. The moment genuine healing happens you begin to see and notice new things about yourself, your life, previously not known or noticeable to yourself before this. Then you realise the impact of decades of not knowing and you need to reach for the Kleenex and have a good sob. So I did.
I went and saw professionals and was going to have a formal diagnosis done but then I realised if I looked at each symptom, broke down how I need to adapt things, looked at the neuroscience, I’d be able to address the symptoms without going through a 2 year process waiting for professionals to tell me what I already knew. Plus, my preference was to not be medicated if at all possible. I will take medication if needed, and will also find natural solutions if possible.
It was at this point I discovered what Dopamine does in the brain, and the possibility I had a lack of it due to the Complex Trauma. Next step was to research online for a product to suit my needs. The product I’ll share with you suits me, plus I’m aware of my own personal mental health needed. If you have any questions at all about possible drug interactions seek professional help before purchasing or taking any of it.
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Self-abandonment cycle refers to a pattern of behavior where individuals neglect their own needs, emotions, and values in order to please others or to conform to societal expectations. This cycle can lead to feelings of low self-worth, depression, and anxiety.
I never believed that I have depression in the normal sense of what’s regarded as depression. I’m not somebody who’s walked around going, oh I’m depressed and I really feel it in my body. For me in the beginning the depression just used to knock me out. I’d be getting ready to go and exercise and I’d wake up with one gym shoe and suck on and go, what happened? There’s videos of all the things that I’ve done along the way to get to where I am today.