Around the world, life happens. Our hearts take in and hold onto as much unresolved daily matter as possible. Then, when our full capacity is reached, we spill over, spewing forth words in heat, releasing thoughts and emotions we often don’t mean and even less understand. Practically speaking, these thoughts and emotions have been backed up longer than we’d allow a blocked toilet to exist. ‘Cause lets face it, no one leaves a toilet blocked any longer than necessary. Our hearts, on the other hand, we pay less attention to, but the atmosphere when our heart spills over is no less stinky than that blocked toilet.
Transforming the pain before it spills over and becomes venom spewed at those we love most takes time, self-examination and the willingness to own your emotions. Think about it this way. You wouldn’t walk into a shop and yell and scream at the person serving you, so why are you continuing to do this with those that love and support you the most? Why would you want to pollute your mutual atmosphere with that stinky, blocked toilet smell? Obviously, the answer is you’d prefer not to. Let’s begin.
Begin disciplining yourself NOT to spill your verbal diarrhoea before it leaves your mouth. Literally, slap an imaginary STOP sign over your lips, zip them, clench teeth, whatever it takes to NOT spew forward a trail of poop. Heck, jump up and down, run around the block, hop on one leg, just don’t unintentionally spill what’s been clogged in you with someone you love.
Please Note: This exercise is NOT to deny your emotions, thereby closing your heart. The exercise is to give you practical assistance in identifying your emotions AND working with them in a healthy manner. i.e. not hurting the ones we love because we are hurting.
Sit, identify and list your emotions. See the table for assistance in identifying them. Remember, generally speaking, we aren’t raised with an emotional vocabulary. This is a healthy activity you’re doing for yourself and your loved ones. Once you begin to identify your emotions it’s possible to assist others with language to identify their emotions. Or print out this article for them.
Step 3. Next sit quietly and give thanks for these emotions. Why? To repeatedly focus on the negativity of your emotions keeps giving you the feeling of internal chaos, and pushing you into the corner of spewing forth that negativity. Giving thanks for them will free you from them. It’s an exercise in thankfulness.
Here’s the Practical Steps ~
- Stop. Take a moment to just breathe
- Slow your breathing down and feel one emotion at a time
- As you feel each emotion say “I give thanks for feeling …….” and release the feeling from around your heart.
- Repeat step 3 until your list is complete.
Step 4. Restoring your Relationships. I don’t think I can overemphasise the importance of communication in relationships, and restoring both ourselves and our loved ones into an atmosphere of peace is a top priority. They’re the individuals that will be with us through thick and thin.
The ability to give a heartfelt apology is learnt. It’s not an automatic function for humans as we’ve often got too much ego running around. Teach yourself to apologise from your heart, teach children to apologise from their heart. We all know a heartfelt apology when it’s given, and when it’s not given. Apologise for your behaviour and let those close to you know that you’re working on change.
Step 5. Learn to communicate effectively. When we choose to set time aside, turn off the devices and distractions, and sincerely listen to each other, a lot of wounds are mended and new ones avoided.
Please watch this video on the 5 agreements for effective communication. They can also be applied for effective communication with young adults.
The 5 Agreements of Communication
- Agree to a set time to share
- Agree who will talk first and who will listen
- Agree to state what you need from your partner when you’ve finished talking.
- Agree to listen to understand and meet the stated need to the best of your ability.
- Agree to a time limit (if necessary).
Please remember that transforming the atmosphere within you and around you happens slow and steady. You’re the tortoise, not the hare in this race!
Feel welcome to comment below if you have any questions.
Blessings and dreams,
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Self-abandonment cycle refers to a pattern of behavior where individuals neglect their own needs, emotions, and values in order to please others or to conform to societal expectations. This cycle can lead to feelings of low self-worth, depression, and anxiety.
I never believed that I have depression in the normal sense of what’s regarded as depression. I’m not somebody who’s walked around going, oh I’m depressed and I really feel it in my body. For me in the beginning the depression just used to knock me out. I’d be getting ready to go and exercise and I’d wake up with one gym shoe and suck on and go, what happened? There’s videos of all the things that I’ve done along the way to get to where I am today.