CPtsd Recovery: Fighting Against Denial

Say Hi! to April

April is a Member of our Global Facebook Family and recently shared with us the struggle of living with the denial of having been  gaslighted her entire life.

She loves Art Therapy and Parts Therapy and you can find her on Instagram.

@gentlepathhealing

 

After venting earlier today, I took some time for parts work and made this art journal page and wrote a poem about being gaslit my whole life. The girl on the page is one of my parts. She’s tired of feeling like she has to prove that what I’ve endured is abuse.

 She’s exhausted from constantly having to defend my need to heal to those who deny the abuse. 

She wants to tell my abusers “you can’t just cover up the story because you don’t like the one you wrote.  It’s not my fault that you’re the villain in the story you wrote.”

Gaslight Me 8/9/2020

Gaslight me.
“That’s not what happened.”
“Don’t be so sensitive.”
“You’re imagining things.”
“You’re just jealous.”
“You take things too personally.”
“It’s all in your head.”
“You’re too sensitive for your own good.”
“Just because you feel it
Doesn’t make it true.”

Gaslight me.
Make me think
I’m crazy.
That didn’t really happen, did it?
I probably remembered wrong.
Gaslight me
Until I think I’m the problem.

Gaslight me.
Tell me your version of truth to
Make me forget my own.
Tell me what really happened
Because my interpretation,
(That’s just my perception, after all)
Is probably wrong.

Gaslight me.
Gaslight me until
I suffocate in the fog,
Gasping for air,
Unable to catch my breath
And have to rely on you
Or succumb to death.

Gaslight me.
Gaslight me until
I’m blinded by the burning,
Eyes darkened,
Unable to see clearly
So you have to lead the way.

Gaslight me.
Gaslight me until
I’m deafened
By your constant “truth telling”
And forget what
My own voice
Sounds like.

Gaslight me.

***Music in process video is “Rise Up” by The Fat Rat.*** I used it bc one section says:
Don’t be afraid to show
What we’re going for
This is what we know
Here we come back to life, we’re still breathing
Standing up, everybody’s gonna see it
All you need to know is that we’re holding on
Even if we fall, we will rise up.

This song is becoming a healing anthem for me. 💚💙💚

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