How to Build Safe Relationships

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Do your relationships generally end with you being betrayed by the other persons words and actions? I understand, it happened continually for me until I discovered how to build safe relationships by identifying the internal journey I needed to take.

Complex Ptsd: Safe Relationships

Have you experienced …

Emotions

You are unable to share your feelings, concerns, or desires without fear, you’ve learnt to hide your empathy and compassion, you feel like you’re in one sided relationships where you listen and act and others do all the talking and demanding both verbal and nonverbal. You can feel like you always anticipate how others will feel by the actions you take, you’re highly aware of how others feel and have yet to meet someone who understands how you feel. Trust of others is virtually non existent and you need to learn how to trust your decision making process. You find yourself shutting down, closing off, to keep yourself emotionally safe, often feeling that being alone is the safest place for you.

Relationships

Your history has been one of giving trust before it’s even earned because you didn’t know that trust had to be earned in a relationship. You find yourself paranoid and snooping on social media because you can’t trust what people are telling you but don’t have the ability and learning to know what to do to cease your own internal pain. You’ve craved a deeper connection with a significant other but only chosen those who don’t know how nor do they want to do the work to connect deeply. Betrayal, lack of loyalty, have featured in your relationships and sometimes you’ve scratched your head wondering where on earth you went wrong with your decision making process.

Health

Unhealthy, toxic relationships impact every sphere of our lives. Our mental, spiritual, emotional, financial, physical, sexual health are each impacted in different ways when we venture into unsafe relationships. With Complex Ptsd added into the equation i.e. already having possible mental, physical, emotional, sexual etc health challenges created in childhood adding the extra stress from toxic adult relationships further reduces our wellness. Complex Ptsd brings with a naivety that we need to address to help us stop making the same decisions because our nervous system feels comfortable around people who are toxic because that is the environment we were raised in.

“The art of not experiencing feelings. A child can experience her feelings only when there is somebody there who accepts her fully, understands her, and supports her. If that person is missing, if the child must risk losing the mother’s love or her substitute in order to feel, then she will repress emotions.”

Alice Miller

Desperate to Break the Unsafe Relationship Cycle? I was too. My last marriage, I’ve had two, nearly broke me with an implied moment of me feeling unsafe. Basically I came to understand in a single moment I wasn’t loved or needed for me, it was what I was supposed to bring to the marriage. From that precise moment on my health went barrelling downhill so quickly I can’t remember all the details. I do remember the 30mg of morphine injections every third day that didn’t work and feeling like my ability to communicate had left me. I ended up bedridden for over 2 years, lost all cognitive functions i.e. no ability to walk unaided, no ability to talk, I couldn’t care for myself and needed a full time carer. I had full blown epileptic seizures that I had never before experienced in my life. The father of my children died, and I wasn’t cognitive enough to be there for them and I’m still shedding tears as I write because my kids were my reason for every decision I made to break the cycle for them.

If you’re here reading and have Complex Ptsd please don’t go into another relationship until you learn about safe relationships, until you unpack your patterns, until you know who you are and won’t give that up for anyone, because it can cost you your health like it did to me. I don’t want you to lose your health and I do want you to experience safe, beautiful, kind, loving, deep relationships in this lifetime. I’m at the stage now where I develop healthy, intelligent, functioning relationships where we are upfront and honest from the start about our intentions and I can tell you it’s a relief to be in this space. I personally don’t know if I’ll ever be in an exclusive relationship or married again as I’m not in the space of wanting that or being well enough at this time. I discovered there was so much to learn about how I ended up in relationships that were not only unsafe, they were unhealthy and not good examples for my children. Even though I set out with the best knowledge I could equip myself with at the time of getting married, I still didn’t choose wisely because of what was wired into me throughout my childhood.

And this is why our recovery work is not just important, it saves our lives, our health and provides us with the life and relationships we’ve only ever dreamed of since childhood. Well, the since childhood is my personal dream. Recently I said to Nic, my son, that the only thing I ever wanted when I was growing up was to be married and never divorced. All sides of my family have divorce, right back into the days and times where divorce was not a socially acceptable thing to do, when you were supposed to put up with the toxicity and stay married. Now we understand how abandonment and abuse can restructure our brains in childhood and we can use this information to heal from the unsafe relationships we were raised around because our internal nervous system needs the recovery. Until we do the recovery we will continue to feel safe around those who are toxic because we are actually dissociating. When we’re dissociating part of our brain, our logical thinking part, is unable to be accessed, and this is why I kept making the same mistakes in regards to relationships. We must first do our work so we know when we are dissociating and understand we need to be safe before we can make life changing decisions. Welcome to your safe place.

Healing Warriors are not born or made, they choose to consciously break the cycle of generations of trauma.

Linda Meredith

“As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage.”

Bessel A. van der Kolk

What You’ll Learn

This Course will Feature Lessons On

  1. Module 1. Building Trust
  2. Module2. Brokenness
  3. Module 3. Safety Part 1
  4. Module 4. Safety Part 2
  5. Module 5. Recognising Safe People
  6. Digital Manuals

Complex Ptsd: Safe Relationships

  1. Online Course Contents for Safe RelationshipsCourse contains 5 Video Tutorials and 5 Digital Manuals for charting your Safe Relationships Recovery
  2. Watch 1 video per week and complete the Digital Manual as you integrate the knowledge and personal awareness into your daily life to help you break free from the repetitive cycles
  3. Can be used with or without a Mental Health professional. All instructions are contained in the Digital Manual

Are you Ready to Break the Cycle?

When does the Course start & finish?

The course starts now and is available whenever you are ready, always. The benefit of being online is you pace yourself, it literally fits into your daily life.

How long do I have access to the course?

How does lifetime access sound? After enrolling, you have unlimited access to this course for as long as you like – across any and all devices you own. Memberships have access for the period of their membership.

Can I use the course whilst working with a Professional?

Yes. Taking in your notes and observations to your Mental Health Care professional will help you progress through therapy.