When we are on this healing journey, it’s so hard to know when we are doing it ‘right’ or when we are hitting a dead end and need to back away to go back to the last fork in the road. It’s also hard to not give ourselves a super hard time when we feel like we keep doing these U turns and are feeling exhausted.
One of the most triggering questions in the world is the innocently well intentioned “Why don’t you just…?” question-suggestion-judgment. It feels like an attack when it is actually meant as a suggestion. Inevitably, it’s asked by someone who does not understand the struggle I am feeling, the tempest inside, or the helplessness that is just bubbling under the surface.
Having CPTSD is like being at a dance and not knowing what the steps are. It feels like two steps forward, one step back, three steps to the right, ten to the left, and then we start all over again without knowing what the pattern is or if there is a final goal. No rhyme or reason. Other people seem to be doing the dance well and I just want to rebel against the tempo, get out of this dance, or pretend that I’m doing it like the rest of the people on the dance floor.
“As a second grade teacher, I see a lot of parents separate around this time. They’ve had issues and now the kids are a little older and at school more full time. They look at each other and decide that they don’t actually want to be together anymore. It’s even tougher on the parents whose children have special needs.”
Parenting is difficult. Suffering from CPTSD can be debilitating. Trying to be a great parent whilst dealing with CPTSD is overwhelming. As parents, we can’t stop taking care of things and as CPTSD survivors we need to take care of ourselves. Know that you’re not alone and that there are people who want and can help.